Sooo….I don’t even know if it is Week 35. It has been so long since I last posted but this sounds about right so we are going to go with it.
If I am to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to write anymore. As someone who sits behind the screen, you wonder if you should keep going, do people want to read it, are you going to piss someone off, is it even worth it, putting life out there with no real confidence that it is having any sort of impact on others.
So first I want to thank you. Thank you to the random texts that I have received asking where I have been. Thank you for the sweet emails asking how life is going since I haven’t written in a while. Thank you for the kind messages telling me that you enjoy reading my posts. It is your encouragement that allowed me to find my voice again and get back to the laptop.
So where have I been…
I would like to say that I have been working on the art of being present and letting shit go.
If there are two things that I have really started to learn over the past year, it is that there is no place better to live than the present because honestly, no matter how well you plan and prepare, things aren’t going to go the way you thought. So why worry about it? I also believe that holding on to shit (grudges, anger, stress, concern) does nobody any good.
Often, adults find it challenging to live in the present. We forgot how to live like a kid and now many of us spend our time worrying about way too much. Think about it. Kids could care less. On Sunday they aren’t thinking about their sporting event on Tuesday, the test at the end of the week, who is friends with who. They are literally looking at their day thinking, what am I going to enjoy today? Do I get to play in a game? Is mom going to let me have an extra cookie? Who is going to come over for dinner? They think only of the present. And honestly, if a young kid is worried about things beyond the present, it is most likely because us adults have screwed with them and taught them to worry about the future. They didn’t learn that on their own. Sorry, I said it. It is our fault.
So I am trying to take some steps back and stop worrying about the future because I don’t know how long my future is and today seems like a pretty awesome day because today my family is happy, we are all healthy, we have a roof over our head, food on the table and love each other. Seems like there is not much more to be worried about there. So I am learning to enjoy it, rather than ruin these moments, because I am worried about a tomorrow I may not even have.
Then you add the letting shit go. Oh my goodness how important this is. And yes, I don’t tend to use profanity but this one sort of needs it. We need to learn to LET SHIT GO. We hang on to way too many things. I heard a great quote (which, I will give you a heads up, also uses profanity) and I love it…
“In life, we have a limited amount of fucks to give. So you must choose your fucks wisely.”
Okay, so it is a little crass but it is most certainly true. How much do we hold on to, worry about, analyze, think about, that really just does not matter in the end and keeps us from enjoying the present?
Stressed? I have learned from experience that stressing about something in NO WAY changes the situation. Stress does not magically make things better, it only makes things worse, for you. The situation is still the same, just now you feel like crap. Upset with someone? Well I will not be the first to tell you that holding grudges against someone else is only ruining you, not them. Decide if they deserve to be in your life. If they do, forgive them. If they don’t, still forgive them, then let them go. Either way, don’t hold on to that anger. Parenting Perfection issues? I have also dealt with this one and the need to have everything “in order” and guess what…that doesn’t matter. I am not happier if my house is spotless. I am not more joyful if all the laundry is folded before 4pm. Kids aren’t happy because the dishwasher is empty. Caring so much about keeping everything perfect in a home and within a family is only going to cause you to crack. Families aren’t perfect. Homes aren’t perfect. It just isn’t possible. LET IT GO.
I could go on and on but I don’t want to write a novel but the gist of all of this is, I firmly believe that I have spent too much time worrying about the future and giving a crap about things that I just need to let go and I don’t want to anymore. I am now trying to live with a few simple rules…
- Be grateful when you wake up each morning
- Say “I love you” a lot
- Surround yourself with good people
- Raise kind kids
- Say “Thank you” because all of this is a gift
Life is meant to be enjoyed and I plan on getting better at simply enjoying it. Sure I am not good at doing this every day. I fail often, but I am working on it. Aware of the need for this change and am making a huge effort to get better at it.
Which is partially why I haven’t been writing, I just have had to say no for a little bit and let go of the pressure to keep up. I love my job, the hubby is working again (more on that later), the kids have activities I love to watch, my friends are gifts, cooking has become a passion and I want to waste 70 hours of my life watching the entire series of Game of Thrones instead of folding laundry. So, I haven’t written, laundry is piled up right now, I am thinking more about seeing Bad Moms 2 with friends than doing the dishes and I am getting updates from Loren on how our Oldest is doing at his basketball tournament while the other two are screaming at the top of their lungs building a fort with all the pillows and blankets I just fixed on the couch. It is messy and chaotic but it is my mess and my chaos in my present and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am just going to let that shit go.
P.S. if you need a little jump start on this…try checking out this book…